He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Haha she couldn't find her dress in the morning. So she left it. How do the hell do I discreetly return that to her at work. More importantly, how did she discreetly do the walk of shame??
They should really pass out barf bags in church
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
So the bartender just told me that there was numerous people who saw me having sex on the rooftop last weekend. +1
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
if happy hour never ends, you’ll never have to eat kale
I haven't had a bra on since I quit my job.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
There is a pool of ranch salad dressing in my purse...I know thats always been something you've wanted to try..so don't even act like you didn't do this.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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