i'm satisfied with the level of pretty that his new girlfriend isn't.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My ex came to my place while I was gone. Random things he took: snow shoes, my laundry quarters, a decorative picture, all my condiments, the container that held my rice and a sticker off my wallet. Then left a note saying he watered my plants and fed my cats. What. The. Fuck.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
He said i got a new job lets blow this money he bought 4 bottles at the club he is now crying after seeing the reciept
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
You brought a jar of mayonnaise to bed. It doesn't get any worse than that.
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I like to oil my gears with cheap vodka and strangers
Everyday this week I have woken up to a different dick pic. It's like a dick pic a day calendar!
Randomize
