This girl is very crazy
She's one of those compassionate ppl
So everything I said on this seemingly endless date offended her
life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
im six kinds of drunk right now
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
You left something at the house but since I'm back home now so I can just mail it over. Address?
I didn't realize you could put dignity in a box these days.
Jenna, I'm going to use all my homosexual powers to steal him from you
Austin, I will climb on top of your shoulders and slowly suffocate you with my vagina
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
She says the reason I don't talk to her is because I'm "emotionally lazy" what ever that means
I am beginning to doubt your commitment to my making poor choices tonight
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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