...seriously? chocolate pudding? motorboating? No one has even done that to ME and i am 69 times the whore you are
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
should we take a power nap before our cocaine gets here?
I really need to learn how to handle sexual advances from older women
I wish I had your problem
he knocked over the vodka and juice...picks up the cup and says "yes", takes the last sip...doesnt even worry about the mess all over the floor and we continue having sex.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
You have dresses for different occasions. I need different men's dicks too. It's logic.
Do you always skip to "Baby Got Back" when fat girls show up at the bar?
Just jacked in the family restroom in the hospital while eating beef jerky and looking at reddit gone wild.
Wanna get mid day margaritas tomorrow if I'm still alive
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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