it was the worst sex ever in the history of sex. i mean ever. and he thought he was great. actually told me he was the best id ever had...what was i supposed to say? lol...i've had better times by myself. seriously.
Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
Please don't ever try giving my cat a hair cut ever ever again
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
Well after last night it's official...I cannot die...it time to use this power for good instead of handle contests
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
We tried. It's impossible to cum while bouncing on a trampoline. It's like trying to sneeze while keeping your eyes open.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I just watched a guy smoke weed through a French Horn. He is my hero
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
God doesn't care if you're a paramedic, you can't do that to someones cat and still get into heaven
Randomize
