My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
I never want to see another naked old woman again.
During sex she told me I could do anything I wanted to her. You remember that toy lightsaber we bought at Wal Mart?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm masturbating to football. This is why I get guys and you don't
There were penises being pulled out everywhere.
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I can't sleep. My mind keeps asking "turn down for what?" but it won't accept any of my answers.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
God is tempting me with everything tonight. Brownies and dick, mostly.
Oh, the accent alone guaranteed a bj. It was when he started drunkenly singing in PERFECT PITCH that I knew I was fucking him.
you have 30 seconds to convince me not to grab this guy's crotch in front of his girlfriend
Randomize
