Good seeing you too. Don't worry, you didn't miss out on too much last night. We went to a place where there was supposed to be a wet t-shirt contest, but it was more like two ugly girls dancing around on stage in white shirts. Everyone just wanted them to leave so the band could keep playing
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
you probably should not have drank the wine that everyone spits out. and the sad part, that was not even your low point last night
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Do you understand how hard it is to go down on a guy underwater? Didn't think so....
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
I'm just hitting the tip of the iceberg on accents for this trip...so basically my panties are done for.
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
Bootycalls can't go limp that's like against the law
You know what sucks about being drunk at 4 pm? Not a god damn thing.
Randomize
