You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
while being fingered today, I was told I have an abnormally deep g-spot. Now you know, I am a size queen because of SCIENCE.
Your dignity remains intact. He, on the other hand, is completely convinced he slept with your cat.
I just realized that he was my first random hookup that didnt cause a massive breakup or divorce. Im starting to grow up
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
Totally passed out on the dealers bed after paying him all in ones so no, i dont think i'll be getting a discount soon.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
You were buying shots for everyone, saying, "I got a tax refund. I'm a MILLIONAIRE."
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
The internet was right. Snorting muscle relaxers is awful
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
