go do what you do best...puke behind churches
I needed to borrow my dads nail clippers and next to it was an industrial size box of condoms if that wasnt bad enough I dropped the clippers behind the bed and discovered hundreds of used condoms
that coffee was exactly what I needed. Also whose awesome hat is on the couch with ear flaps? I wanna put my head in it
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
He said he had to make up a lie of why he couldnt sleep with her. It must really suck to have a sunburned dick.
Church boner. Awkwardddd
I keep finding coffee grounds in my vagina
We had three bowls going. It was a tri-bowl tournament. Harry potter shit.
Please tell me that is you having sex in my car in my driveway and not a complete stranger.
I walked by the two of them and mouthed "fuck me" based on there reaction I think they just came in their pants
We decided to keep having sex while I ordered the pizza. I wanted extra pepperoooooooooooooni.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
We need to make boob twerking a thing. I feel like that's why vine was invented
i'm pretty sure you can't sue someone for "Taking a shit on my kitchen floor."
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
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