New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
at a party and just made O-H-I-O out of dicks and vajayjays...i hope someone took a pic i was too busy (; GO BUCKS!!!
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
zippers are such a cool invention
What do I have to do to get you laid? I talked to that girl with the ugly dog for 45 minutes trying to get you in, and all you said was "Steven Spielberg is my favorite director."
Also I spent like 2 hours on the hubble/nasa website sunday night looking at pictures of outer space and cried my face off at how beautiful and complex it is. What's wrong with me?!
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
EVERYONE IS SPEAKING SPANISH. I ONLY KNOW HOLA.
"Functional." Your standards for how you feel after drinking are so high.
When your night starts by chugging margarita and drinking vodka out of tupperware, I feel it's best to stay realistic.
I think I'm drunk at the airport. Oh the possibilities
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
I can't put those talents on a resume
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I just want to get high and watch Dr. Pimple Popper.
Randomize