Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
I can't tell whether I'm throwing up blood or licorice.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
styled my pubes into a mustache as a surprise. Thought you should know
Someday, but I will be heavily drugged and there will be no dolphins.
I think I met somebody from your birthday this past weekend. He said I held a push up contest outside the bar and told them I would make out with the winner. He said he won..
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
Strip club, what strip club did I eat a steak at? That's the appropriate question
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
I've been sober for almost two weeks and it's been the worst two weeks ever. Even my mom told me I need to start drinking again.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
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