trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
Just spent the last of my lifesavings on (what i hope is enough of) alcohol. Hello summer.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
After seeing how much you are able to funnel in a night, I am 90% sure your blood is pure gin.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
I beer bonged before it even hit 4 o' clock. Please get on my level homecoming style.
I should get him a card "thanks for letting me use you for your penis on and off as I see fit and for being a nice guy. My boobs and I appreciate your loyalty and dedication"
I need to pull it together. I just cried my eyes out to Master Chef Junior.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
I got so tired of my roommates fucking in the tub I took a shit in it. Surprise!
Dick pics just aren’t doing it for me, this bowl of Mac n cheese and Game of Thrones trump you tenfold
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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