get your tongue out of his mouth and answer your phone. if your not doing more than making out i'm gonna be so pissed. i'm about to sleep in your car bitch
Just did free shots of tequila at a walmart. Hello Mexico
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
Just woke up and my doorbell is on my nightstand... the fuck?
WHAT? When did I ever refer to one of my past hookups as "the rainforest guy"?
Dude he's not responding... I'll take that as an unpleasant visit to the clinic
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
Dude are you being arrested? I swear I just saw you laying on the hood of your car with a cop patting you down...
I don't remember where I was but I remembered that I hated everyone there
I just had some kinky fun in the back seat of my car behind a Ralph's in south county. How's your thanksgiving eve?
I was going to do a cardio thing but then tacos.
He finally left. I didn't introduce him to the roommate. The sex is bad. I don't want him to feel welcome
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
It's like I'm tryna ride my horse through dennis quaid’s vineyard
That's a sexy sentence
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