You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
At least our walk of shames never included a bag of chips and a jar of queso..
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
Not sure but if it exists I will find it and I will fill my face with it
I was not drunk enough for that final.
Randomize
