She got all mad because she said it was "unprofessional" to tell my manager to go fist herself.
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
Call me old-fashioned, but I don't think the words, "Finger my ass" should find their way into casual conversation.
Gym?
Sweet baby Jebus, no. I'm Motley Crue hungover. This must be how it feels to rail a line of ants.
My garbage can has nothing in it besides condoms and candy wrappers. That's good garbage.
You just kept stroking his beard and thinking aloud that you wanted to rub your face all over it.
We call her skankles because she's a skank and she has cankles, I thought that was obvious
It's 11:13am and my chem prof is drinking a beer in class. I guess finals week is stressful for them too
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
In other news my pubic hair is covered in glitter.
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
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