so...dinner was kid's cuisine and a bottle of wine. i think they go well together.
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
Left my card at the bar and had a drunk girl climb on the hood of my running car to scream at me.
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
Yes, I am about to pass out on my beanbag with a mason jar of wine. Welcome to the south freshmen.
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
Are you still going to come over for your post Alcoholics Anonymous beer?
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
This is a mass text. I will facerape you if you bring me Fierce Melon Gatorade and 4 D batteries.
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
