its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Dude, we somehow need to leave discretely with the toilet brush.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
I preemptively put on a cape before eating a bunch of weed brownies. Best decision ever.
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
How was your weekend?
My girlfriend decided the best way to get my mind off of my dog dying was to break up with me via text
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