what are you wearing?
Just my guilt
some guy just got out of his chair quietly. Laid down on the floor and is now asleep in between rows in my lecture hall. He must have had a rough night.
i dont know what it was but it was definately NOT a vagina
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
Look I know it's late and I hope this doesn't wake you up but I feel like you should know that I'm sleeping on my couch in my own apartment so that my friend can get laid in my bed, and I would do the same for you.
I'm about one sudden movement away from being able to cross "throw up in a fortune 100 company's bathroom" off my bucket list.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
Fuck it, I'm going to make my own dick pic album since iOS 10 won't do it for me.
Question: how does one descretely ask the ice cream truck driver thats out at 10:00pm if he sells weed?
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
I’d say they were worth it. He screamed “your tits are fanfuckingtastic!”while he was cumming
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
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