Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
just checked my call log and realized that we talked for 3 mns. what did i say for that long?
pretty standard. you have fun last night?
apparently....what exactly does 'pretty standard' mean?
typical hot then cold, followed by a death threat.
Public safety found my id!
And i can't find my bra so i'm assuming they found my bra with my id which would explain the disapproving tone the lady on the phone had.
If I can't get a one-legged man to love me, what the hell chance do I have with a NORMAL guy???
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
we hotboxed my bathroom. with nine people and two dogs.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
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