She checked into foursquare right as she left work so he would think she was there late and not on some other guy's dick
I have to say for barely passing high school, that girl is a genius.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
for breakfast I had vodka and flavor blasted goldfish. and I'm topless.
Fell asleep on the Grass at Lolla woke up in the Brown line. What. The. Fuck.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm not sorry for loving America more than everyone else
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
I'm sorry I called your mother a reasonably-priced receptacle.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
Did my extra credit for a class I badly need to pass at the bar of Friday's.. kind of sum's up my college career. Got a 90 though.
Randomize
