i cant do it anymore.. every time this girl orgasms she sounds like a motorcycle
My rats are drinking wine. I am drinking with rats. God i am so alone.
I thinking of taking all of the pics of his dick that he's sent me and making a calendar.
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
I'd say it's a shame and a disservice to the world that we can't stay drunken shitshows to infinity
So we just left her at the hospital. She is not ruining my Monday night
So me and him are making out, and the other two are on the couch behind us. he randomly stops kissing me and goes "oh god I think she just took off her shirt" I look behind me and I see her tits flapping up and down. This man has amazing senses..
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
My night started to turn around the time I started calling her a "raggedy cunt".
Somehow she got that I meant it as a term of endearment.
Dude it's sisterhood of the traveling wine glasses here
Hun, it's always cinco de Drinko in our family. It's like Groundhog Day. Only with more booze.
That hot shower felt like it washed away all of my problems... Except being pregnant... Ps just found out I'm pregnant. Fuck.
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude i woke up today by a pile of fried chicken and wearing a bra
.......stop going to frat parties....
Randomize
