Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
period poops. best. ever.
omigod im sitting here with ben and he and i both got that...chick you totally just mass texted that...
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
I feel like I have African malaria. I just remembered singing Teenage Dream in full to that biker couple at the bar.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
If he thinks that that is an acceptable way to ask me out he is out his goddamn ginger mindddddd.
i decided if i had to, i could survive with only 3 fingers on each hand.
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
My talents include parallel parking and over reacting about absolutely everything.. And drinking..
Are you playing pokemon in the dark and sexting? I can't be mad at that.
Just asphyxiate me and toss my corpse in the Ocean. It'll be easier than whatever the next four or eight years will bring.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
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