I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
if u cant get laid at this wedding we need to have a looooooong talk about the possibility of u becoming a lesbian
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
I was an emotional waste case that night. She made me stroke her ponytail.
I still can't believe you had sex with someone who willingly went by Peaches.
It's pitch dark except for the glow sticks, someone turned the heat up as high as it would go and the bathroom is flooded. Also think I just stepped on someone's face.
Got to use the phrase "sweet pukas dude." My day is made.
I'm slowly getting to where I don't hate people anymore.
Never mind. Some random dude just walked past me and asked if I was having fun. I snarled at him. I might still kinda hate people.
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dammit. the window insulation sheets are too small for my windows. Yet again I am disappointed by size
Love it. I wish you see me right now. I'm counting cash on my bed with no shirt on, beauty and the beast sound track on blast. Fucking creepin it up.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
Just used a NyQuil cup to take a shot. This night is headed nowhere good.
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