I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
please don't let me die tonight
what have you done for me lately?
so apparently dipping a tampon in red gatorade and throwing it out the window on the highway is a $100 fine
Well if he truly loves me he will just have to accept my flaws. And that includes a tequila dependency and borderline lesbianism.
Btw. Made out with a random kid at a frat. It's all good though. He invited us to his frat party tomorrow so yay! For having plans!
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
If by "Are you high?" u mean "Did you just pass out at Genghis Grill walking to your table and falceplant?" the answer is yes.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
I just really wish I could go back and unsex him. Waste of my vagina.
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
The only thing about him that I appreciated was that he destroyed the bathroom at your birthday and missed singing to you. And we all knew.
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