She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
Pregaming for shuffle board at 10 AM. I love spring break.
Medicore although I woke up with the business card of a Turkish lawyer called Mufasa...
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
Thank you for the breast cancer awareness themed circle of death. Had it been any other time I would not have played topless.
i know this sounds kinda weird but his cock smelled like fabric softener. it was so refreshing.
You got the eggs out of the fridge and yelled "my chickens are beasts at making eggs" and then pegged them at the ceiling and at a couple who were making out
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Trying to do the walk of shame over here WHY are there a hundred ppl on the el?! Thank god I pulled a summit and wore casual clothes I even stopped by the farmers market and bought some squash
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
