U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
dude. late night with jimmy fallon isnt even funny. the people in the audience there to see him dont even think hes funny.
kinda like you and your friends.
I would have been "that girl" at the party last night if it wasn't for that girl who puked in the potted plant...
The hospital said it would be 'irresponsible' for them to allow people to book stomach pumps.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
He sang nursery rhymes to my vagina to get me to have sex with him..
I am not apologizing for rubbing my balls on your leg...that is a risk you take when you come out to the bar with me
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
There is an alarming amount of urine in here.
I can say with 87% certainty that i received one of the world's five greatest blow jobs since the Coolidge administration on Saturday night.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
apparently when we were gone the parents play strip connect 4
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