I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I am drinking at a movie theater seeing a children's movie, 2nd time this week
You were doing karaoke. Then you screamed "SHOUTOUT TO ADAM LAMBERT" and started making out with the very surprised looking guy next to you.
you dragged me by my throat over to the shots. this is a new level of alcoholism..
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Girl, that was the lost night of 2012 for me and I have buried that night deep deep away..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
That tingly feeling you're experiencing in your lady parts is my mustache. All the ladies of America are waking up feeling the same thing. You're welcome.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I like how she'll post a picture on Instagram with her boyfriend and 2 hours later you'll send me a snap of her panties on your rear view mirror
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
her fuck buddy was butt ass naked in our kitchen making waffles but they tasted so bomb
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Did we go to Florida? My missing thong and DL just arrived in the mail. Return address was Tampa.
Randomize
