it's my fault, I passed out instead of getting up to pee.
Her life has all the ingredients for a how to book: Making Your Life an Epic Fail
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
$1 margaritas. This happy hour needs to end.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
I don't think it counts as a walk of shame when it's someone you've wanted for 4 years. That's mission accomplished.
Last night was the first and hopefully last night I will ever sleep in a hotel bath tub. Sober mind you.
I'm not even gonna ask.
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
hi I'm Emily and I thoroughly enjoy getting minors hammered.. I'll start my AA intro just like that.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
I'm so high I have morphed into the monopoly man. Or maybe the Pringles guy. I don't know but I have a mustach now
Randomize
