ya know if you hadnt broke up with me, that porno we made wouldnt have a 3.3 rating on youporn right now...
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When she e-mailed me back asking for proof, complete with hospital intake records, I just told her it was a home-birth. I'm prepared to take the fail.
why is there a clump of hair nailed to my wall?
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
he said he needs a little more pabst, some time to jack off and a sandwich and he'll be ready
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
She tackled him mid-puke while the other two were cutting up a $60 dildo with a kitchen knife and putting the pieces in a Corona bottle.
Apparently "I licked it so now it's mine" doesn't apply to people
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I just sucked dick on a ferry
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