So I'm stoned for 420, and have an eye doctor appointment in fifteen minutes
Are your eyes okay
I mean if I was Asian they would be
You drink too much
No, I drink just the right amount - too often.
I'll let you put expensive food in me, but really, not much else.
i want to cheat with him just to show his girlfriend what a terrible person he is.
he does have a point though, watching you drink makes me never want to drink again
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
We just had an accidental Facebook titty pic scare.
I'm pretty happy on the couch eating Popeyes and watching Cops so if I go over there you better have drugs left
I don't want my vagina anymore.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
Don't read too much into what I just sent. I love you, always have, but I'm drunk and sorry for the confusion.
Which part? The boyfriend or the sex?
Boyfriend. SEX IS ON!!!
I'm too hungover to Google him and try to save face.
Randomize
