Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
You owe me 10 bucks. He wasnt in jail. Found him at 530 this morning when the smoke alarm went off. He passed out naked in the middle of cooking bacon. No idea where he was before that.
Swine flu is the new snow day.
I tried to explain to him that we just wanted a stereotypical black friend to be in our group. He didn't take it too well... Never take me to the bar again.
West Wing DVD drinking game: drink whenever they waqlk around a lot. I LOVE POLITICS SO MUCH
Mark my words im gonna be the drunkest groomsman outta spite for him having his wedding on a gameday
Uh no. you let me handle it. trust me: I can paint the Mona Lisa in tints of bitch.
Sorry I can't go bowling with you guys. I'm getting daytime dick. That's the best kind.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
I am googling "notable people who had syphilis"
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
Getting on a bus with a beer pong table. I am proof we can make this campus fun.
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