left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
he has 3 profile pictures up and all of them are him riding jet skis
please stop judging me for buying a handle of soco on a thursday at 10am. it was on sale, i'm thinking of my future.
I just woke up to three voicemails from you. In the first one you just straight laughed for 3 minutes. In the second you did bird calls. In the third you were hysterically crying. Have fun last night?
I found him down the block clinging to a light post laughing and crying because a house "looked like it had buck teeth"
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
The last thing I remember was you puking all over the inside of my door and him yelling "PUKING RALLY!!!"
He started a convo with me by saying that we went to high school together and then recommended I try meth.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I don't know if I want to fuck him or punch him in the face.
I don't know what she looks like but I'm pretty sure she has a pussy.
Some nights you just end up digging your mcdouble out of the trash and eating it. it happens.
He is getting no nudes from me. I don't even care if I'm losing his legal advice.
listen i get youre a daddy dom but that doesnt give you a pass to make dad jokes
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
