I just don't get it. Video games don't suck his dick.
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I am downstairs in the bar now having a beer...actually I ordered two beers and placed one across from me in front of an open chair. I did this for appearance sake, so nobody knew I was double fisting all alone. I'm getting hungry now. I'm thinking of ordering two meals just to keep appearances up.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
i took a picture of my dick. with a stick figure drawn on it. and a paper hat taped to the tip. and i call i the mayor of Dickville
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
I pretty much told him I was too sober for this an just walked away and all I heard was "IT'S BECAUSE IM A BAD KISSER ISN'T IT" OVER AND OVER AGAIN
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I may quit my job to go be a costumed Jedi at Disneyland.
Then again I went over his house after not hanging out since kindergarten and tried to fuck him so maybe I'm partially to blame here
Is there a single word to describe 'the last guy she slept with before meeting her husband'? Cause there should be.
So, do I need to remind you to keep it classy tonight?
No, because if you have to be reminded it isn't classy.
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