A hot woman with candy. This is what heaven is filled with
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
Just think about how many life skills I lack. Cooking... Driving... Sobriety...
just tried to pee in the sink at wendys...need to stop letting my drunk habits get into my sober life
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
Why yes. I did get laid looking like that. My sheets look like there was a clown orgy
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
I'm drunk, I'm covered in pizza, and I'm watching Jurassic Park. I feel like you'll get this. xx
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
So "I hate myself Mondays" has extended to Tuesday this week. I just had peanut butter and a glass of wine for lunch.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
No no no, work drunk and day drunk are totally different. I got drunk with a client and made a huge sale at 1pm. You are still in your PJs and jacking off.
Hey
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GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
Randomize
