so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
girl next to me is signing up for tough love. definitely getting laid.
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
How can he have such a manly penis and baby hands?!
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
So... crashing at the hot bartender's place is not a solid marital decision.
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
YES please come visit. Lets go get belligerent. I won't even pepperspray you
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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