It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
you drank 3/4s of your half gallon of vodka, made a fort out of the kitchen table, and actaually had sex in in it.
i feel like his penis is a security blanet. i cant fall asleep unless its in my hand
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
she slipped a pinky in my ass. Not sure if I came because I liked it or if I was terrified by it.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
YOU CAN'T JUST ADD EVERYONE WHO ENTERS MY VAGINA ON FACEBOOK WTF
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
I JUST PETTED A FUCKING SQUIRREL. A SQUIRREL.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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