Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
Dubbing lion king over planet earth. That stoned.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
i should do something illegal before my birthday. as of thursday im old enough to go to jail.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
And all I ask is the occasional "welcome home from work" blowjob.....and for you to fold my laundry. I hate folding laundry
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I just bought spray paint, a T-shirt, and a box of magnum condoms. The cashier refused to make eye contact! Haha
I don’t have enough daddy issues for this shit, make him go away
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