I don't llike drinking between sober and blackout. Its boring.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i'd date him for the sole reason that he thanks me after giving him head
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He called some chick he used to fuck for cash to get food delivered to cheer me up
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
let me wake up, find my pants, and find out where i am tommorow and ill get back to you on that
Randomize
