I need help removing her.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I miss vodka workout Fridays
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
I think god invented us with two hands so we can grab an ass and spank it at the same time.
Is biking from my house to 6th street for liquor pitchers a good idea or a bad idea
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
so I may or may not have had intense sex to mozart's greatest hits on vinyl... I don't know if I should be proud or just really disappointed in my nerdness
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
I think I passed out drunk at my own jewelry party
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
you told us the chicken was mocking you, then proceeded to explain that every time someone reads your mind you accidentally think of something sexual
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