Do you still have your period?
brass monkey on radio. cant stop dancing.
hammered. By myself. Accident. Faillll. Snowwwwwy
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
Best thing law school has taught me: how to use logic to turn a girls "no I will not have sex with you" into "well I might as well get laid"
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
I'm not drinking anymore...and by that, I mean until St. Patrick's Day.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There's a drag queen here that reminds me strongly of you. You should try crossdressing.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Also, I've finally come to the point in the relationship when having sex with socks on is ok.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Exactly man. Who needs doctors when you have vodka and hot knives.
Sundays were made for eating Ramen pantless in bed.
Randomize
