absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
it went kinda like vodka, childhood memories, screaming/cursing, fist fight, tears, broken shit, passing out. in that order. tis the season.
i would eat my own dick if it were covered in nutella
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
I'll miss you, too. On the bright side, a night away from one another might give me a chance to recup seminal fluids.
I'll admit it. It was a bad idea to sneak a fart out while she was taking a nap. Can you bring me a pair of underwear from my dresser. Preferably the one with the walruses in party hats one.
We were mid fuck, and he did a Kermit the Frog impression. Is it weird that I was strangely turned on?
SHE'S PREGNANT AS SHIT, AND I JUSR PEELED A CLEMENTINE TO CHASE SHOTS WITH!! COULD LIFE GET ANY BETTER!?
It's ok, it's locked within patented Sealrite technology. That puke is staying fresh
Sext me about skeletons
Got 3360 Shoppers points for buying Plan B. I guess this all worked out for the best.
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
Randomize
