I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Between my vibrator and my iPhone carpal tunnel is inevitable.
Idk. Last year there was an ice luge, glow in the dark jungle juice, and lots of naked people. I feel like I'll get pregnant just thinking about going to that party.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Drunk. But sober enough to know I hate gymnastics.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
Can I come over? I respect you, but I want disrespectful things to happen
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
He also deemed that the fact that I couldn't log into Netflix was not an emergency. He's wrong.
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