There are just some things I refuse to put in my mouth.
How young is too young to ask my kid to make me a drink?
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Send me the picture of my mugshot, my boss got arrested last night and I'm trying to make her feel better.
We're at the hospital. She got a head rush and fell and now blood everywhere. Smoke the rest, just save her a bowl
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
Guy hitting on me at bar is guy who's Craigslist ad we laughed at the other night. Not even kidding.
So, my ex just showed me the drunk voicemail we left him last night. Started out with me saying "I think it's Shane." Then you took my phone and started singing a song about peanut butter, train tracks, and tequila. I joined in. On the upside, he said he's totally fine with being on the drunk dial list from now on. Soooo, another tequila night??
He was making Jim beam nachos. Chips soaked in whiskey with cheese
Is it bad that I'm tindering right now? I'm naked on his couch while he's slaving over legal documents for work. And he doesn't have cable, so what else am I supposed to do?
I'm glad I can share my workout progress with you via my nudes
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Randomize
