Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
my new years resolutions dont apply when im drunk
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
i just walked in on him masterbating..to a picture of me. that definitely has to be true love.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
So i realized that if i bought everything from my google search history for the past week i would have a dolphin, a wolf costume, a unicorn costume, a katana and a bullet proof vest. Not sure how the dolphin would fit in but the rest of it would end up in one awesome night or someone would die. Either way i say we do it.
Also I think I'm starting to get calluses on my hands from my level of sexual activity
he just gave me a love letter in polish. he thinks i speak polish. I DONT SPEAK POLISH
You're putting the star player on the bench. You dont put Michael Jordan on the bench.
Are you referring to my vagina as Michael Jordan?
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
If so I'm coming over there. There's no way I'm having "hello, how are you" conversations with my neighbors on acid
That sad moment when the drawer I used to keep condoms in now has poptarts in it..
the guy working the counter at the liquor store noticed i got my haircut and said it was pretty.....
My bookbag can hold 30+ beers. They shoulda put that on the tag bc its a big selling point
Randomize
