Nakedness is not a toga. Just sayin
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
the cops didnt even wait to start drinking the confiscated alchohol from the party
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
I just witnessed someone getting head in the parking garage. Don't ever tell me Baylor is too conservative again.
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
the girl peeing in the stall next to mine has really cute shoes. on a scale of 1 to restraining order, how weird would it be to compliment them from in here?
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I think I sent pictures of my boobs to an Olympic athlete...
Thanks for DJing my sex last night. You were on point 💜
I need more 20 something year old penis in my life
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
Randomize
