why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
I haven't been able to trust a girl since spanks came out
it was like my fingers were behind enemy lines
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
Imagine cans of beer raining. Like not hitting you and hurting you. Just gently falling into your hand whenever you're sad
I'm pretty sure I said "this might be the last time I'm in here" but then I took his pants off so that's a mixed message
its the first football sunday and my boyfriend isn't excited. this isn't gonna last unless he makes me snacks and brings me beer during the game.
Oh great. I guess I'm second on that list now that we've confirmed she's not a lesbian AND that was her sister.
Friends don't let friends go vibrator shopping alone.
I have the rest of my life to settle down this is totally time for friends and pizza
Does puke ruin car paint? Good thing it's raining.
Somehow I don't think offering me edibles is what dad meant by checking in on me
They're the hard candy kind!
Randomize
