I can't disclose who, but one time I called someone, they didn't pick up, and immediately texted back 'will call later, masturbating'
I thought that was really considerate
Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
and you're not allowed to put a penis in you if it's attached to a 26 year old who works at blockbuster
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
Just fucking put out. It'll be a good lay, promise. Stop being a prude. Damn it. A boy is trying to put his penis in you. APPRECIATE IT.
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
Is it a bad thing that I've made out with everybody I work with?
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
Holy fuck where did this cat tattoo on my ass come from
You never know true fear until you're on your period in a house full of white furniture.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Anal on new furniture sounds like a quickest way to violate a warranty
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