wake up i wanna do it froggy style
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
she always made me post sex PB&Js it was like fucking a trashier Martha Stewart
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
She bit me. She gave me a brief pity cuddle. I gave her an awkward backrub, somehow I thought it would be a good idea to include the vagina in that. It wasn't.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
dude he passed out in the strip club on his birthday, WHILE he was getting a lap dance. That drunk.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
Also, if someone could cut me off before im rolling around the yard pantsless with a 40 year old lesbian that would be awesome.
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
I'm using my dog as a pillow. He's cool with it.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I brought an already opened bag of trail mix from home to snack on today. Some motherfucker ate all the m&ms out of it. I hate my roommates
My roommate wasn't home and I was too drunk and tired so I peed in the trash can. Twice.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
