you pissed in a zip-loc bag and wanted 60 dollars for it
So... 5th graders can't whisper for shit, but apparently I have an awesome rack.
Haha. Niice.
Yeah, I didn't know whether to be shocked or flattered.
both.
I have a feeling this won't be the last time I wake up wrapped in a shower curtain with the words "Blame Bono" spray painted on it
and everything will be beautiful and nothing will hurt and we will eat nachos
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
He told me my outfit made me look like a twelve year old then proceeded with "but you don't look like a whore"
Some girl came up to us crying that she lost her phone and you said "if it's meant to be, let it be"
Her weave came out on the dance floor. She was twerking and shaking one minute and her hair flew across the dance floor the next. Great way to be introduced to the family
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Okay, so when I go to meet your grandma, let's do a quick cum check to we don't have another "what's that on your face?" situation.
I have one goal now that I am in the USA. To find a man I can fuck into marriage before my visa runs out.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
He asked if I could not say his name during sex cause he liked the girl in the apartment above me.
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