You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
based on who turned up here tonight the whole evening should just be called "mistakes i made when i was fat"
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
this beer tastes like vomit already
You were spitting chewed up pretzle into my hands telling me to hold it for you.
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
he's drinking beer at home in his underwear tonight and if you want to come over the dresscode is underwear only. And you have to bring beer.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Being sober is no fun. Karaoke and not wearing pants are not socially acceptable things to do anymore and this depresses me.
Your mankini haunted my dreams.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
why does every cop we meet know your name?
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Randomize