my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
Today's face brought to you by last night's make-up.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
Never drinking again. Maybe, if our boss gave us more 3-day weekends we would know how to handle ourselves. That was a shit show.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Now I don't feel like I'm sweating cheeseburger all the time.
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
He may be engaged to someone else, but god damn that was the best 3 hours I've ever spent naked with someone.
I love you but I don't want to see you naked.
I like that you're more concerned about how I would find the time to clone you, than the fact that I have your blood.
I threw my back out having sex last night. I don’t know whether to high five myself for a job well done or cry because I’m old.
Randomize
