just the thought makes me want to clean my vag with a clorox wipe
My parents came down to check and make sure I wasn't into any mischief then proceeded to give me alcohol.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
Just drunk tweeted NASA asking them to give me a lift home in one of their spaceships. Fingers crossed
I feel like I need to get a restraining order against him but I'd probably be the one to break it.
He broke up with me over the phone while I was getting my bush waxed into a "D" for his surprise birthday present. Talk about bad timing...
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
I'm convinced he's the patron saint of oral sex
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
Just for once I'd like my first interaction with a new GP to not be an obvious sex injury.
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
