Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
If i die in the snow, get to my laptop and delete all of the nickelback. password is "barry"
as in "white"?
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
You need to let me be on top sometimes. I gotta get rid of these love handles
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Please tell me I made it home with both shoes on
Nope
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
Turns out he's not a Doctor Who fan, I mumbled Alons-y as I went down on him. He asked who Alan was. No more drunk sex for me!
Thanks to a bad fart decision during a production meeting, I am now on my way to Target to buy new pants. How is your day?
If they start to date again I refuse to help her sext him. Helping my mom sext my dad is where I draw the line.
My new superpower is making fuckboys disappear!
Bending dicks and egos since 2002
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
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