If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
If I pass out leave the food near me so i can wake up to it
so i decided to listen to you and went ahead and slept with him. you owe me 3 minutes
Have you resumed life with the rest of the world yet or are you still huddled in the fetal position while wearing compression gear?
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
I came in and I guess my parents didn't hear me. My dad just said "Don't be lazy, RIDE IT." to my mom. Never coming home again.
Walk of shaming into my apartment. No one to clap me in. Come home!
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
He took my necklace off while we were 69ing. His tongue never stopped moving either. Take that, guys who can't figure out how bras work.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
Any idea why my ass cheeks are bruised again?
The fact that theyre bruised AGAIN means you're not adult enough to know why.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Randomize
