I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
love makes seman taste better
My gaydar just like overheated and exploded watching the male figure skaters on the olympics
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
It took us hanging out like four times to kiss. Id like to fuck you before I'm 30
Dude, she introduced me to her best friend form Russia and she was a 10. Her other Russian friend was even hotter. How did communism fail?
You kept hugging the big bouncer & feeling the other ones beard
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha
I was at a crossroads, dude. Like, do I wanna eat chicken McNuggets or talk about my feelings?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
I forget how to act sober
Randomize
