I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
Walked in on my boss having phone sex at work... and somehow this didnt bother nor embaress him
We found a swing set....it's in the front yard.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
I consider myself an expert at getting drunk and embarrassing people at weddings.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I agreed not to hook up with any randoms while she's on vacation, if that isn't a show of good faith then I don't know what is...
I told her I didn't have a condom. She then sized me with her thumb and finger and tossed me a large. Then I asked her to marry me.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
THERE IS A MAN IN THE BATHROOM IN COLONIAL GARB GET HERE
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
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