You did that once after drunk driving from a photo shoot
That was very cool/italian of you
Which brings me to my next point, how come italians are so well adapted to drunk driving
i kno its fucked up..but id rather sleep it off than seek medical attention right now
he said he doesnt sext because the government can tap that kind of shit too. no boobie pics for him.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
Watching Argentina vs Germany during a wedding on an iPhone. Thank you Steve Jobs.
Do you know many girls there are in gay bars waiting for me to do coke off their tits? A lot.
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
Just found a bottle of tequila in the washer.
We've completely outdone ourselves. We packaged a collective total of six grams of pot and salvia into little bowl-sized tinfoil capsules. It's totally impossible to tell which is which without comparing, every Friday from now on we pick one out and see what the fuck happens
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Straight up asked lady in a lime green jumpsuit how to make your ass clap. That thing wiggled more beautifully than ocean waves at sunset
dude his girlfriend left the meanest shit just marinating in our toilet. I'm gonna have to snap chat this out, theres no other option. prepare yourself
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
So, I feel bad. I just told my husband I had sex with someone else while on a business trip. Today is his birthday. I'm kind of a dick.
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