Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I may have just sent her dad a picture of my penis. His name's Myron, right?
I thought accidentally shaving off my fingertip while trying to shave my butthole was going to be the most unexpected part of my day, but no
It makes me so happy that my local liquor store has a black lab that is there every day. Really tho - it makes the higher prices excusable.
Randomize
