Ok never mind. Thought i pooped my pants for a second. False alarm.
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I woke up with cheeseburger in my mouth and a deep sense of accomplishment.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
Remind me to tell you a really funny story about me and arson.
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
There should be an open time period where you show each other your goods and it's totally socially acceptable to bail.
I wholeheartedly concur
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I basically have sex lined up for me in three different countries. If that's not a feat I don't know what is
and if planning a fake elopement keeps me from fucking strangers and doing drugs, i think it's good for me
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
Nothing says "single girl" quite like Pinot Grigio and canned ravioli at 11:30 pm....
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
Randomize