Picking up third year law school girls is like MILF hunting for beginners
every single kid we've ever known, every single person we've gotten blow jobs from, every single person we've hit home runs with... is at dennys right now
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
How did you get the entire couch up on it's side and into the bathroom?
I found out that my first kiss was an Italian. Even in kindergarden i knew size mattered.
Vodka?
Forever.
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
Children cease to be precious when they crap their shorts in the pool I exercise at.
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
Randomize
