Come to wood. Julia is putting pants on. We must stop her.
We went to the police station completely hammered looking for you. Don't tell me I'm not a good friend.
He shouted my World of Warcraft name while we were having sex, and he was sober.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
If you think for one second that I would forget Mardi Gras, you clearly don't know how much I love boobs.
Batchelotette party success. I woke up on the floor in nothing but a thong, a garter and a shirt that says Just Do Me.
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Randomize
