I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i may have used way too many innuedos last night. i scared him off. but really... how could i pass up "stimulus package" and "flacid economy." don't answer that.
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
is it too early in the day to continue our conversation about penis shapes?
The girl with a dislocated arm just did an assisted keg stand. You will never have an excuse again.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
I gotta say, I do way better with the ladies than I do the men. So if it turns out being gay is a choice, then I'm going to go ahead and choose it.
He had a step stool to get in to his bed!
I spilt beer on the table, and she quickly got a straw and yelled party foul and made me drink it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
he told me he had a dream that he laid his head in my lap and silently gazed up at me. WHY AM I ALWAYS THE DUDE IN RELATIONSHIPS
I've been continuously high for the last 48 hours, and just broke my 4th vibrator. Coincidence? FIND ME A MAN I BEG OF YOU.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
